When you’re younger, are friendships easier to maintain, experience, and even enjoy?

In the past, it felt more about sharing the fun and being there for each other in difficult moments. For me, it felt natural and real – it didn’t require much effort.

Now, after so many years in these same friendships, I find myself questioning whether it still feels the same. I used to be very attentive to my friends’ needs and wants – perhaps even more than necessary.

Now, with life being busier and time more limited, I find it harder to show up in the same way. And as I reflect on it, I see that I may have said “yes” more than I should have in the past, without really taking care of my own energy.

Today, it feels different. I notice that I’m only able to show up in a smaller way than before, and even that seems to require more effort than it used to.

In a similar way, I also notice that my friends are not showing up either—not quite in the way I now need or hope for.

Today, even when the intention is there, it requires more planning—and often, that doesn’t quite happen. And perhaps, at times, we are not equally intentional about making it happen.

But it’s not just about sharing the fun or being there in moments of trouble anymore. What I feel I need today is something different: to have them alongside me when I’m in transition, when I’m navigating something meaningful but difficult, or when I’m stepping into a new and unfamiliar role. A brief “congrats” on Whatsapp or a quick reply on Instagram doesn’t serve that purpose for me anymore.

I remember being there for so many of their milestones—their marriages, baby showers, childbirths, birthdays—sending flowers when they changed jobs or when something meaningful happened in their lives. Yet this year, as I go through one of the most disruptive periods in my own life—with school and work—I find they are not really there to share it with me, or even to ask how I am.

All in all, what I feel most is this: I don’t quite experience a space where I can share openly, expand my heart, feel truly listened to, and be genuinely welcomed as I am today.

And this, more than anything, is what I need from my friendships.